Enjoy some awful poetry in which we desecrate 4 archetypal poetic forms: 

To pee or not to pee I know where not
This puzzle is no longer amusing
To be quite frank the lessons I’ve been taught
Don’t help at all and are just confusing
My human tells me to pee when outdoors
though once inside they try to reverse roles
They run into a room and drop their drawers
Then pee inside my favorite drinking bowls
But when I try to return the favor
By urinating in their drinking glass
Their stance on this starts once again to waiver
And I get told I need to pee on grass
Learning pee rules has my eyelids drooping
Don’t even get me started on pooping

There once was a dog who could scooter
Other pups wanted to hire him as a tutor
But all it took was one little slip
While attempting a rad backflip
For him to accidentally self-neuter

Why would you vacuum?
I worked so hard to shed my
glitter in this room.

I don’t always bark,
but when I do, it’s when you
are on a zoom call.

Barely audible,
A car down the street honks
Resulting in a mad scramble to the window.
Keeping a vigilant watch for sounds pollutants
Is honorable but do you
Need to do it so very loudly?
Guarding the house like an unhinged librarian.